As a woman curiously stuck in her head pondering existence, philosophy, and what makes us humans I recall the feeling when I first realized the possibility of what an “afterlife” may be like. With unlimited imagination the amount of after life stories we can write in our minds is astonishing. Theories and lovers all together at once in the clouds. Reborn again, as a new baby or a puppy, or (my favorite) a tree. To be breathing slowly and basking in the sun for 300 years. Save me a slice of that pie! (please lol)
But the moment I thought of, what I now know as Recurrence Theory, left me with a strange and familiar feeling. A tingle in my spine somewhat like deja vu. What that actually could mean exploded within me. So let me, excitedly, break it down!
Basically, if the laws of nature can only be built together in a limited amount of ways there is a limit to the possibilities. Infinite Recurrence is the idea that possible outcomes of the Universe are limited, we would simply evolve again. To return to our birth after our death just to live this life once again. A consciousness with a heart beat. (also what I believe the Universe will do. The Big Crunch. A beautiful theory.) A collapse and a birth. Infinity wrapped up in human eyes and star dust.
When I think of seeing the ocean an infinite amount of time I am filled with peace. I mean what else is there to do with infinity? Living a deep and fulfilling life to the end, just do be born and do it again, yet on the other side of the coin, it sounds fucking awful. Just being honest here.
What makes this idea less enjoyable is the idea that we would continuously be brought to same shitty situations with the same limp solutions we had the first time. Committed to the same mistakes of midnight heartaches and loss of love. A very poetic definition of insanity.
These days come and go, could you stand to live your greatest fear over and over again? Or would you look at the stars more often? Go to college? Or travel. If you had it to do all over again what would be different? Would you forgive more and love harder? More more prominent with saying no? These are things that I would do that I need to encompass into my current life (ya know, just in case!)
What a remarkable amount of luck we all have. When I muse on the idea of reincarnation I always got just a little bit sad that we could reach Nirvana. The end all be all of being human. But just to be able to come back and feel, to just be. To breathe again, to cry, to laugh. I want to drink every second!
To see this wonderful tiny ball of dust we are blessed to call home.
“What if, someday or night a demon were to steal you from your loneliest loneliness and say to you: ‘This life as you now life it and have lived it, you willl live it once more and innumerable ties more;and there will be nothing new it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence3-even this spider and this mooonlight between the trees and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglasss of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you with it, speck of dust!” -Fredrick Nietzsche